


Déjà Vu

by messofanothuman



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Getting Together, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Platonic Cuddling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27517018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messofanothuman/pseuds/messofanothuman
Summary: Alex is a good friend. And he is the only person who can help Luke and Reggie to see the picture Destiny painted for them.
Relationships: Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 82





	1. Girls and Boys, 1994

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hi  
> definitely not my first fanfic, but this is my first time writing here, so there might be oddities in the text.  
> English is not my first language, if you find anything strange or clearly wrong that's why.  
> hope you enjoy

“Hey, Alex!” Luke asked while resting his legs on the top of the couch, shaking his feet in the rhythm of an unplayed song, while his head was hanging over the edge of the seat “How did you discover you were gay?”

It looked like Luke never learned to sit properly in his sixteen-almost-seventeen years of existence.

Alex flinched with the straightforward question. Did he think about this before? Definitely, who wouldn’t? The ill feeling of not fitting in aligned with the ongoing process of self-acceptance clouded his mind more often Alex felt comfortable to confess. Still, something in Luke’s tone seemed off: it was almost like he was not looking for Alex's history, but for guidance. After years of friendship he could easily tell the hidden intentions in his friend’s voice. Undoubtedly odd. After thinking for a couple seconds, he could only elaborate:

“Short answer or long answer?”

“The one that suits you best, I guess.”

Even though Alex was used to over rationalizing his experiences, it was a whole different thing to share it with someone. He took a deep breath and started trying to formulate his past and to translate it into words. He couldn’t stop his mind from shoving on his face why Luke was the band's lyricist and not him.

“Okay. I think I kinda always knew? You know, I felt anxious every time my family implied I would start liking girls and I would start getting all head over heels about the idea of having a girlfriend and stuff like that. At the time I couldn’t put my finger on why I was feeling like this, but they always said I would understand it when I got older, so it was easier to push it under the rug. I think when you’re a kid everything is such a big deal. When I was about, I don’t know, ten or eleven years old I started thinking about boys in a different way. At first it was really subtle and I wondered how it would feel to spend hours hugging a boy, how their short hairs seemed to feel soft, how I wanted to spend a whole afternoon watching movies and snuggling and getting lost in my boy crushes smell and heat.” He took a deep breath as he felt a bit dazzled with the memories. It felt strangely nostalgic. “And it grew to stuff like how the sun made the older boys all sweaty in P.E. and how their shirts stick on their bodies and I finally caught myself thinking how badly I wanted to kiss a guy.” Alex could feel his cheeks becoming hotter as the blood rushed to them. “But the realization only came after I woke up with a fast-beating heart, hot and covered in sweat after dreaming about a guy I'd spent a few days listening to. Thanks, MTV.” He joked to shake the embarrassment from his body. “Until then I tried to fool myself by thinking that I was like the other boys, just a bit more affectionate than them.”

Luke had not moved a muscle. It was like Alex’s words had taken him to a different place. The boy cleaned his throat and continued.

“It was really confusing and I kept it deep inside me ‘cuz you know, things are bad for guys like me, especially during the 1980’s. And then Freddie happened right after and everyone was sad, but I think guys like me felt like they were allowed to feel sadder and— What a great time to be living.” It was impossible to not feel sour by thinking about this stuff. Alex sighed before continuing. “Then Sunset Curve appeared in my life and suddenly I could be the affectionate and bordering clingy boy with my friends and it was such a relief. ‘Cuz you know how bad some guys react when they discover their friend is a gay dude, like we are just by their side to get in their pants while they are sleeping.” The drummer huffed with the thought and Luke followed him with a frown.

"Yeah, that sucks."

"Yes…" He gazed at the studio before fixing his look at the boy. Even though it was brief, he felt a bit stressed by thinking about it and the drummer decided to drop the subject. "Asked it out of curiosity?" Alex knew he didn't, he could feel it in his bones. The proof popped up as soon as he closed his mouth: Luke licked his lips as he would do when anxious and smiled nervously.

"Of course!" He shifted on the couch and raised himself from it, aiming for the garage door. "Why wouldn't I, right? It just popped in my head and I couldn't resist asking about it, that's all."

"Luke." They stared at one another.

"I—" Alex huffed, raised from his stall behind his drums and crossed the room.

"Sit down. It is obvious something is happening inside your restless head."

Alex took his friend's hands and pulled him back to the couch.

"What is it? You are feeling the urge to cuddle and fade into a peaceful sleep with a boy in your arms or you're spending too much time thinking about someone's lips or you are just confused because you feel nice with that person, but it seems different in a certain way you cannot describe yet?" Alex knew he was being too assertive in his scenarios, but he heavily doubted Luke would be that confused if he didn't have a specific person in mind.

The boy knew it would not be worthy trying to fight it, so he let it spill out of his mouth:

"I don't know, man. Maybe all of the above?" He replied with a weak laugh. He rested his head on Alex's lap, inviting the boy's fingers to caress his hair. He closed his eyes and stayed quiet.

Alex looked mercifully at him. Oh, he knew how hard it was to discover his true self.

“Like, I’m sure I still like girls, they are really cute and all, but I don’t know… I've been feeling a bit off in the last weeks and thought that maybe, maybe, it might be a guy’s fault. You know, his lips are pretty attractive, but I could say this about you too and it wouldn’t be a big deal at all and— by the way, nice work you are doing there.” Alex laughed softly while playing with the other boy's hair.

“Thank you.” He replied, leaving room for Luke to say or not say anything.

“It’s just messy… So, I came here to see if you could help me in some way.”

“Hm… Did it help?”

Luke sighed.

“I’m not sure yet, but I think it might have helped.”

“That’s good.”

They fell in a comfortable silence. Alex was curious to know about this boy and how Luke might or might not feel towards him, but he could wait. They were young and life was ahead of them, there was no necessity to rush things. After a few minutes, however, he slipped:

“Is he gay or bi, at least?”

“No, definitely straight.” the boy replied as if it was a remark about the weather.

Alex couldn’t resist a soft laughter. Yes, it would be hard for him.

“Oh, poor Luke.” He kissed his friend's forehead, caressing his hair until an afternoon sleep. He knew it was tough, but Alex promised to himself that he would be the friend he did not have when he was in the same position as Luke. That’s what friends are for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sleepy, will scan this text again only before posting chapter two, be aware of it (and please don't be mad at me)  
> yeah, college sucks so it will definitely take more than a week to update this (chapter two is baking and I already have the recipes for chapters three and four, tho)  
> they will be done till christmas, don't you worry about it  
> see you soon?  
> p.s. just changed the first chapter title because Blur is a gem and I totally forgot this bisexual anthem existed  
> btw I wish I could see Reggie discovering Gorillaz, Murdoc is a hell of a bassist and they are kind of a hologram band, I guess?


	2. The Pink Phantom, 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again  
> hope you had a happy holiday  
> i've finally finished this chapter (yay!), but irl stuff is happening and i don't know when i will have time to write the next chapters (but relax, not even death will stop me from finishing this story)  
> without further delay, let's go to the chapter

“Hey, Alex!” Reggie asks while resting his legs on the top of the couch, shaking his feet in the rhythm of an unplayed song, while his head hangs over the edge of the seat “How did you discover you were gay?”

Alex loses his breath. It feels like traveling back in time.

“Sorry?”

“You know, like ‘you always thought about kissing boys or it only happened later?' and stuff like that.” As subtle as a mammoth Reggie presents himself just like Luke did almost thirty years ago. Strange times, indeed.

Luke was with Julie, probably composing somewhere else in her house, leaving the boys alone in the garage. Alex swallows a knot in his throat and tries to focus on the present.

“No, I don’t think so. It started early as I’ve always felt like a fish out of water among my friends at school. Sometimes even watching TV made me anxious, like 'why does every male character must be a womanizer or marry and have children with the most gorgeous woman in the story?' I think it’s easier to see these hints like they were lost pieces of a puzzle with no pictures on the box, and I was looking for those pieces that would help me to crack what image I was trying to put together.” Alex could hear a humming of understanding. “But yeah, when I started dreaming about kissing boys while girls never made me have a similar reaction I understood that I wasn't straight.”

Reggie seems fidgety under Alex’s eyes, so he goes to the couch and sits beside his friend. “You can ask more questions if you feel that it would help you.”

He takes a deep breath and releases all the air right after. They could not understand exactly how they could do that once there are no lungs to filter the air nor blood to take the oxygen to other parts of their bodies, but it is easier to not overthink this. He fixes his position on the couch to take more time to think about Alex’s words.

“Is it that obvious?”

“You never were a subtle guy.” He smiles trying to light the mood.

“Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t know how to organize the mess in my mind.” He stops. “How can you be so chill about this?”

Alex is not sure what exactly Reggie means by _this_ , if it is about he being gay or listening to a confused friend, so he takes a tangent.

“It’s just that this is not my first time here.”

“Alright. I… How can I say it? The thing is that it feels like I always had a hunger inside of me, but I’ve never noticed it before. Almost like living with a noise in your head for so long that you never notice it is there until it stops, and you can finally hear everything as clear as it should always have been.”

“I would be flattered if I heard someone saying this about me.” Alex slips the remark after hearing it. The boy chuckles softly in response. It seems Reggie’s heart was really hopelessly devoted to someone.

“You are such a good friend, Alex.” He replies while resting his head over his shoulder. It is almost as if they were alive again. They let the silence set in. Sometimes silence is the most significant message you will receive. Between Reggie and Alex, it meant “you are safe here and everything is gonna be alright soon.”

“Luke was just like you when we had this talk.” Alex lazily remarks.

Reggie was formulating a “What?” just before hearing Luke appearing in the garage, popping that comfort bubble they were so glad to be in. He looks at his composition notebook before noticing the boys. He slightly furrows his brows at them, covering it with a smile.

“Sorry interrupting you guys.” Alex could feel how Reggie tenses up as the other boy talks. “Just needed my notebook to write down a song Julie and I are composing.”

He grabs the journal and leaves as suddenly as he got in there.

“What happened, Reg? You’ve tensed up like a violin. Do you want me to avoid the subject around Luke?”

“That— that would be great.” The boy sighs.

“I don’t know for sure what is happening in this loving heart of yours, but I think Luke could help you to solve it much easier than I.”

Reggie raises his head and stares into Alex’s eyes.

“I don’t get it.”

“Luke is bi.” It is Alex’s turn to frown his brows. “Did you forget this detail?” He did not know if ghosts could have amnesia.

“He is what?”

“Bisexual, Reggie.” He starts to worry about his friend. Is there such a thing like a ghost doctor?

Reggie looks baffled.

“I… think I would remember it. Since when did you know this?”

“1994, I guess.” Alex is exploring his memories as he replies. They did not show a big announcement, but it appears like Luke never had denied it either.

“Oh.” Was it supposed to be a secret? But it doesn’t make sense, why wouldn’t he tell Reggie about this? Maybe—

He feels dazed. Just like his puzzle, he got the important pieces of his friends’ puzzle in his memories. It couldn’t be, or could it?

“Oh my God.” Alex murmurs. “It might— I think it was you the whole time, Reg.” He looks at the other boy, who seems scared.

He grabs his face and stares deeply. Reggie was on the verge of tears. It was now or never.

“Is it Luke the one?”

“I’m sorry, Alex.” He hugs his friend who was shaking lightly. “I know it is stupid and will mess things even more, as if we haven’t enough problems with death and stuff, but— I think it was that chemistry foolery. I just can’t forget how he looked at me that day and—”

Alex hugs him harder. He needs to be practical. “It is okay, I’m here. Hopefully, Luke will take a while before appearing here again, but we can go out for a walk, what do you think? Do you want to go to another place?” Oh, it was bad.

“I— I don’t know.” Reggie’s voice is really low.

“Okay, I think we can stay here a bit longer.”

“I’m such an awful person, it is so selfish to want him with me. Julie is such a great girl, and they are like made for each other, but how can I tell my heart this is wrong?”

“You’re a great guy, Reggie, don’t you ever doubt about it ever again.”

Reggie sniffs. Alex is afraid to give him hope and make things even worse, but he knows Luke well enough to try this shot. He starts carefully.

“Hey, I need you to listen to this, okay?”

His lips shake slightly, but he agrees with a soft nod.

“I might be really wrong and if I am you should take out on me and leave Luke out of this mess I might be creating right now.” Reggie nods transfixed by the tone Alex uses to stress his words.

“I think Luke might be mesmerized by Julie because she is, among all the nice things I can say about her, the thread connecting us to life, and especially because she is the last link he has with his parents. I know that you would do anything to help him to talk to them and make up with his mom and dad, I would too, but we just can’t do much about it. Luke has this odd tendency to fall in love with things he shouldn’t or couldn’t have and Julie is the impossible par excellence.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “Besides, how do you think a relationship between a living girl and a ghost would be? Julie is a great girl and will become a great woman. But we won’t. She will grow out of this teenage crush on the cute and impossible boy she just met, and she will go to college and meet new people there and he will always be a 17-year-old boy. We will always be 17 years old boys. And even if we keep the band for long enough, she will get older and older and one day she will die and like her mother she might also do the passage and we will be trapped here forever, and someone might buy this house and not be so gentle as her family was with our stuff and we will be homeless ghosts!” His breathing is shallow as he catches himself walking in front of the couch in an anxious rhythm.

He looks with wide eyes at Reggie, who is standing up and approaching his friend. He could see a caring look in his eyes. It baffles Alex how easily Reggie could forget about his problems when his friends were struggling with their own mess.

“Hey” He approaches “Are you okay?” It was a clear rhetorical question Alex answers, nonetheless.

No” He takes a deep breath. “I just realized that eternity is much scarier than I anticipated.” A frantic motion with his head lessens the storm that was consuming him.

“Wanna hug?”

Nodding shakingly he opens his arms and invites his friend to the embrace. Reggie's ears are buzzing with the amount of information he received in the past minutes, but he is so worried with his friend he starts to feel a numbness crawling over his mind. Alex needs some comforting, and this is the only thing that matters right now.

After a few silent minutes they reach the couch once again, a curled-up Alex resting his head over Reggie’s lap.

“Just… don’t give up.” He comments while looking into Reggie’s eyes. “They will notice they weren’t meant to be. They deserve so much more happiness than this odd relationship can provide. And you need to be there to show him you both are worthy of happiness.”

An emotional turmoil crosses his features before he breathes out a shaken “Do you think so?”

He replies with a reassuring smile.

“Wait and see. Destiny always comes, and Reggie you are Luke’s destiny. He just needs to stop running away from his happiness.”

They drift into a comfortable, hopeful silence. Everything is gonna be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really love these boys  
> sorry if i haven't replied your comments (i feel bad interacting with you while i should be writing the next chapters), but i will try to be more active there too  
> ah, and i just blindly accepted the commas suggestions from microsoft word (even though some seemed odd even to me, a syntax peasant). i may check it later (someday, hopefully)  
> and please go listen to the pink phantom if you haven't already, gorillaz and elton john are being the death of me  
> hoping to see you soon, love you all


End file.
